today…but before…

One year ago today I was in the doctors office, looking at our little miss via ultrasound, she was perfect, I was huge!  I was struggling with my sugars and with my blood pressure, but she was perfect!One year ago today the boys were playing with Aunt Juanita and dying eggs!  And being adorable!  They were very excited to meet baby sister!!

I then was on a mad rush!  Get someone to watch boys, pack bags for Eric and I, get dinner going, make sure all the beds were made with clean sheets…find someone to watch the animals, make sure Eric is on his way home, get the babies stuff together, clean the dishes…and then….

Meet Miss Anna Muriel!!  When it was time to push at 11:50pm I asked the doctor if we could lie about the time, I so wanted her to be born on 4-6-12!  The doctor laughed, there was no chance of a lie!  But Anna knew it was time, she was ready to bust outta there!  And poof I reached down and pulled Miss Anna into the world at 11:56pm on 4-6-12!!

via

Miss Anna was and is a game changer.  She has changed EVERYTHING!  My kids all teach me things everyday, but Anna has taught me that I know nothing!  And not in a bad way, but in a “hey lady you have no idea” kinda way!  She makes us all smile a million times a day!  She was a tough cookie for the first 9 months, she knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to stand for any less!  And ya know what! That makes me so happy!!!  I hope that as she grows up she never forgets who she is!  I hope for her so very much!  But really, mostly, I just hope for happiness!!  As she has grown this year I have seen her begin to become Anna, and I am so excited to keep getting to know this little lady!!  Such a blessing these children are!  So much joy!  So much work!  So much love!  I might just burst! 

And as much as I don’t like that a whole year has passed…I am unbelievably excited to see who these little amazing people become over the next year!  Happy birthday tomorrow Miss Anna Muriel!  Happy birthday!

Remember when…

 It has been just over a year since Henry was in the hospital.  And thankfully a year since he last had any issues with his JIA!!!  He hasn’t had any more inflamed joints!  And although that doesn’t mean he is fully in the clear yet, it does show us that he most likely will not be having many “outbreaks”!!

The time leading up to his hospital stay and the time following it changed me so very much.  It changed the type of parent I am, it changed my view of medicine, it changed how I look at the everyday!  But more than anything it showed me who Henry is.  Those long weeks of him being uncomfortable, of us not knowing what was wrong, weeks of Henry not using his leg at all, of long days in the ER and long days in Doctors offices!  The days of being poked and prodded day and night, of tests and surgery and more tests!  Those days Henry and I learned so much about each other.  I learned about Henry’s character, his disposition, the kind of person he will some day be!

This picture pretty much sums him up to me.  It may not be the happiest of memories, but holy hanna…look at this monkey!  He is a content child, the most content I know.  He is adaptive!  I believe with everything in me that if they hand’t figured out what was going on that Henry would have adjusted to using one leg without complaint!  He is loving and snuggly, and boy!  He is all that being a boy entails!  This little man is not a complainer, he isn’t a fusser, he is strong, and brave and everything that I want to be when I grow up.

Thank you Henry, for reminding me EVERY DAY to live with joy, and passion, and love.  And complete craziness too, of course!

Blogging…

I read a blog today that encouraged people to blog, to write their thoughts and recount their day.  The idea being that someday your children will be thankful that you documented their childhood.  What this blog didn’t say was sometimes the days are short, sometimes you need to sacrifice need vs want, some days you will not want to write nor should you, some days your kids need you to be very present…all this blog said was that you should blog…for your children.

Now, lets be honest, this lady surely wasn’t trying to guilt me into blogging, she wasn’t purposefully trying to make me feel bad for not documenting my child’s life.  And really, I don’t think I feel that way, I do feel like in our life, in the way that I have been living the last year of my life…that blogging is maybe not for us.  That maybe my connection to social media isn’t working.

I am thankful for the memories that I have here in this place, that I can look back and see where we were.  But the cost of all of it seems a bit high for me right now.  I think that blogging and Facebook are a passive way of having relationships.  I think that I want my kids to see me talking to humans!  To making phone calls and writing letters.  That I want them to see that you have to actually contact someone to know how they are doing, what their thoughts are, how their day was.

We have been busy, and I have been socially absent.  I have pulled away from my friends and only kept the relationships that are easy and effortless, but I didn’t realize it because I still knew what so and so was doing because they updated FB that they were at the grocery store and that made me feel like I didn’t need to call.  And I don’t want my kids to think that this is how a relationship works.

Not to say that in a week I will log back on or start bloggin like a mad woman, but for now…I need some real connection.  I need my kids to get a real connection!!

june 6th

It has been quite a while since I last came to this place.  Honestly, I just don’t have the time…who would have thunk!  My priorities are different, my goals for my day are different.

If I am being honest, we have been in survival mode.  It isn’t about getting things done as much as keeping our heads above water!  But we have turned a corner, oh what a beautiful corner we have turned!!  Our new normal is glorious!!  It is happier, and more structured, it give each of us some time to shine!  Miss Anna has found the amazingly wonderfully stupendous goodness called sleep!!  I am not a baby scheduler.  My boys found their schedule on their own, and they both were great sleepers.  I am a feed on demand, sleep on demand, wake on demand kinda mom.  But!!!  Anna made me question my ways.  Maybe, just maybe, she needed structure.  Maybe she just wasn’t going to be a good sleeper.  Maybe she would fuss till she turned 18 and moved into her own place (you better believe if you are going to fuss till you are 18 you are getting kicked out!).  Maybe, just maybe, I needed to let her fuss it out.  Well, I think she was listening and realized that she needed to buck up!  Because just when I thought I was surely going to die of sleep deprivation…she realized the goodness she was missing!  We are now a 8pm to 6 or 7am family!!!  She naps like a champ twice a day too!!!  And who knew, I just may not need a valium a day…sleep might just be enough!!

 

Sleep isn’t all that happened around here over the last few months!  Cole turned FOUR!  We went on vacation! TWICE! and Anna turned Five months!  Oh, and we lost Henry at the blueberry patch!  It has been a crazy last few months!!  And holy hanna can you believe fall starts in just a few days!?!  Wow!!

on June 6th…

On June 6th my little Miss Anna will be TWO months old!  two months!  Geezo.

Since the last time I posted…

Henry got cuter! and I didn’t even know that was possible!!!

Anna got bigger!

Cole has mastered the art of the big brother!

She started having tummy time…

And liking it!
Little Miss is making eye contact like a normal human.  And a coo here and there, each one making me a little teary, they are just too sweet for words.

I have lost myself in her…I might need an intervention!  Her cheeks!  Her lips!  Her hair!!!  I am in love, deeply, whole heartedly IN LOVE!

We realized that she was actually looking at things…oh and she can roll over too

Overall, we have been just living our normal life.  Our normal life is awesome.  It is nothing special, nothing to write home about…it is completely perfect!  It is chaos, as usual.  Our normal life is very very loud!  Anna is working on her squeak of a cry, I think that she is realizing that if she is too quiet she will not be heard.  The boys still ask for her first thing in the morning and make sure to give her lots of kisses and tell her that she is “sooo cute!”.  Henry has been helping me feed her, and Cole is pretty much taken over all of the big brother duties.

I am thankful EVERY SINGLE DAY that I am not! pregnant! any! more!!!  No matter how much sleep I do not get, or how many hours a day I hold a crying baby, no matter how much poop I deal with or how much laundry I wash…nothing! could make me wish I was pregnant again 🙂  YIPPEE!!!  I love my body when there isn’t a baby growing in it!!  I am thankful that this little body can carry a child to term, a healthy child, but boy oh boy I am not a fan of the journey.

In May I turned a year older.  We ate far too many baked goods, and celebrated another year of being lucky enough to be a mom!  I even got a new lens for my camera…which is full of pictures of the little Miss.

It has been a good two months!  I am grateful in so many ways!  I have no complants (or very few at least)! But please, please, please…can this year go a little slower.  Please.  I need to soak it all in.

 

baby girl

Three weeks!!!  Three weeks of our lives have gone!  That is amazing, and that is all it takes to forget how much pregnancy sucks!  It wasn’t all that bad!  She was more than worth whatever I was complaining about…wait, what was I complaining about?

We spend some of our time doing this!  But, don’t let that face fool you, she is still quiet and squeaky.  It is sad how much she is smiled at and told she is “so cute” or “very cute” while she is doing just this, she still has some work to do if she wants us to believe her.

But most of her time is spent sleeping, she likes to sleep.  The boys like that because then they can hold her, I like it because she is so darn cute and poke and squeeze when she is sleeping…and her sleep smiles just might kill me!!!

Someone told me that I would get over my fear of “girly”, that person was 1/4 of the way correct!  There are some of the boys clothes that I LOVE to see her in.  There are little frills and dresses that I LOVE!!  But, oh goodness, when I walk by the big girl clothes at the store I am still very close to full on panic attack.  Baby steps, I need baby steps 🙂

This little man, oh goodness!!  He has become much much more of himself over the last three weeks!  He talks nonstop!  NO, seriously, I swear, this kid can talk.  And he is so darn polite!  When we go to the store he ALWAYS says thank you to anyone who helps us, and he says goodbye to everyone.  He is a booger, a handful, he cannot be trusted, I am not about to let him walk without a stroller any time soon.  He is strong willed and hilarious.  He makes us smile seconds after making us angry.  This one is trouble with a capital T!  But…I love the this but…I wouldn’t change anything!  HONESTLY, I promise, I wouldn’t change it for nothin 🙂

Big brother, he was born a big brother, everything about him.  He is going to be 4 this summer but might as well be six!  He is so helpful, and loving, he was ment to be a big brother.  He is trying to completely skip his mid day nap/quiet time…and it is bad.  He isn’t ready, but he is ready to speak his mind.  The struggle is tough, and we often forget the importance of this little man getting his sleep…the result is him in full emotional breakdown.  Oh the joys of being a parent 🙂

Life in our house is wonderful!  It is complete chaos (we knew that was coming)!  I did seven loads of laundry today and put it all away! Eric baked mini pies and home made cheese its!  He is currently teaching himself to use my sewing machine.  It isn’t a place I would invite people to, it is littered with our life!  But it is perfect, and we are all enjoying it.

 

ONE WEEK!!!

Can you believe it has been one whole week!!  Can you???  Did your week disappear as quickly as mine??  I don’t know what it is with babies and their inability to take their time growing…but seriously! Knock it off already!Miss Anna has fairly smoothly made her home here!!  She has won over her brothers hearts and completely made mush of Eric and mine.  Henry is doing better than expected, although he is surely having a hard time finding his place, but he is smitten with her as much as the rest of us!  He hasn’t tried to kill her yet!  And that is a huge plus if you ask me 🙂  He runs when she cries and says “my baby is crying!!”, and when he wakes up he says “where is my baby”  If I am not holding her it is the same question ” where is my baby” He is always wondering where HIS baby is!  It is about the cutest thing ever!!  Both the boys smother her with kisses and tickles and tell me how cute she is.  It isn’t easy, and our house is crazy right now, but it is amazingly beautiful to watch your kids love on their sibling!!

We have had some fantastic sunny days here!!  I am pretty sure that is why Anna came to meet us, she knew that the weather would be fantastic!  Cole and I seem to get to enjoy them the most as he and I don’t sleep as much as the littles.  But Anna has had her fair share, she has a bit of the jaundice so the vitamin D is highly recommended, so we listen.

She is growing, she is eating like a champ and she poops more than I remembering the boys ever pooping!!  They say in the first few weeks that you don’t see much poop, that regularity is not something to worry about…well HOME GIRL! she poops a ton!  Hahaha, at least we know she is getting enough of mamma’s milk 🙂  And she is quiet, she is sweet, she is a cuddler, and she is beginning to spend way more time awake!  Did I mention that she poops…A LOT!

We are trying to keep busy, trying to make sure that the boys are getting good run around time!

Today we are going on a picnic, yesterday the zoo!  The boys got to run around at the kidz bounce this last week and we took Anna on her first walk to the coffee shop!!  She has been a dream thru all of it!

Miss Anna Muriel Yates

On Thursday Anna and I headed out to one of our many weekly Doctor visits!  She was looking quite fantastic and I had noticed my blood pressure creeping up!  After chatting with the doctor we decided that to avoid a MAG birth we would induce me that night!  WHAT!  That ment at 4pm I was rushing home to get everything ready, get the kids off to Nana’s, take care of the animals, jump in the shower, feed Eric and I and get back to the hospital for a 7:30pm induction!

The glory of a third child, a third child who is induced!, is that you know what you are getting yourself into!  And your medical history lets the doctors know what your “normal” is!  I do not progress as fast as they would usually like, but they are ok with that when they see MY pattern!  So, we started with two doses of Miso and then we added a folly ball…then at 1pm Friday I was finally to 3-4 cm!!  I wasn’t kidding about it taking a long time!  It wasn’t until about 4:30 that I began having good contractions!  That I was breathing thru them, holding onto my husband!  Anna and I spent some time in the tub, some time on the ball and we paced!  I had a milk shake…but really just was quite nauseous, and very not hungry!  We needed to turn up the PIT so we checked me and I was at 6cm…still not in enough pain!!!  So, they came and gave me my spinal block but on the lightest setting!  I wanted to feel everything but I wanted to take the edge off the PIT…and he was amazing!  He did just that!  I rested and we let my body work.

I wanted to have Anna on the 6th!  I liked that day, I liked the symbolism of having her the same weekend we lost baby number 2!  I liked the evenness of 4-6-12 and it was a full moon!  but at 10 I was still at 8cm.  At just before 11 the contractions got real!  She finally decided to drop in and engage, she had been floating above my cervix and hadn’t descended and although they kept telling me that third babies come all at once I had a hard time believing them!  Quickly I moved about to help her move herself, she needed to get over…she seemed to be hitting my right hip!  And soon (well 40 minutes later) I was pushing.  It wasn’t on purpose, it wasn’t as if I was grunting and holding my breath…but MY body decided to push!  And well, I was ready.  Susan our nurse told me to breath, to just stay comfortable.  So, I did…I just let my body do what it wanted.  And then the Doctor came in.  She asked me to give a push and then 7 minutes after she came in…Anna was here!

I reached down, and I delivered my baby!  I pulled her to my chest and we all fell in love!  Oh goodness, we all fell in love!  I have a glorious picture of Susan our nurse and Eric and I and the doctor all smiling at the wonder of Miss Anna meeting us!  It was fantastic!  She cuddled for a bit and then they asked if they could cut the cord.  Miss Jenna was able to do that!!  And then we nursed and kept falling deeper in love!!!

The new Miss!

Daddy and his new little girl!!

The glory of labor being over!!

I haven’t know her for very long, I am not sure who she is yet!  But there are a few things I do know…First, she is sweet!!!  Second, she cries different then her brothers did (and she should work on that, her little lady cry isn’t going to get her what she wants around here!) Third…her brothers are madly in love with her!

Welcome to the world Miss Anna Muriel Yates!

Placate…

I was being placated.  I didn’t realize it, and usually I do!  Usually, I am not fooled so easily!  Maybe it is because I so wanted the information to be true, maybe my hopes took over and covered my eyes!  Maybe, just maybe I was missing the clues!  Who knows, but I was placated.  Most likely to just get me off their back…I am sure they are sick of me after three tries at a natural childbirth!!  “just tell her what she wants to hear, and then take care of it while she is gone”.  One thing I do know, is that this game is played by their rules, and if you don’t play by their rules then things get very uncomfortable very fast.  It is hard, I feel stuck, I don’t feel like my opinion matters or that my body or my baby matter…but, no matter how dumb it sounds!, the end result really is the same goal for all of us!  We all want a healthy babe, we all NEED a healthy babe in the end!  So, although my desires may not be what they think is ok..in the end we all want her here safe and healthy..and I guess that kinda makes it ok.

Oh, placated!  Haha, last Thursday I was told that we could wait till next Thursday (the 12th) to decide how she is doing…to possibly wait almost a full week to induce if need be, or to induce right away if need be…maybe to allow me to go into labor on my own!  But, that was where I was placated 😉  “oh ya, sure, we can wait and see”!  and me being so excited at the idea!!  It being ok to wait a possible three weeks to meet her!  Finally getting the birth that I want!  But then yesterday I got a call from one of the nurses at the office!  She was so sweet and so happy to inform me that we had our induction scheduled!  WAIT! WHAT!?  I didn’t know we were doing that.  Oh, she was so caught off guard, she was so excited to tell me and then trying to figure out what went wrong. Haha, poor thing.  I guess the dr told me one thing and then left notes that were so very different.  The date is set, Friday the 13th at like 6:30am!  Maybe I will go into labor earlier..and maybe I won’t…we will see!  I am doing all I can!  Three Chiropractor appointments this week and two next!  Two acupuncture appointments and all the walking I can possibly do!  But, as we all know, babies come when they are good and ready or when a Doctor hooks you up to PIT and they have no choice!  We will see!  Either way…we will be meeting Miss Anna one week from Friday or Saturday!!!!

Cook baby Cook!  And we can’t wait to see you!  You are welcome to join us on the other side whenever you like!!!!  (today would be great actually!!)

Today we went to the doctor…again…like we are always doing!  And she is doing great!  She is chubby! chubby! chubby! but she is doing great!  And so am I!!!  My sugars are back under control and my BP is better than EVER!  And thanks to my mom for these amazing birthing hips that don’t make them too afraid of her size!  Sadly, this does not help my cause 🙂 haha.  I just want to hold her!  But, it is such an amazing thing to be told you and your babe are so healthy that they just might let you go into labor on your own!!!!  YIPPEEE!!!!  No meds, no crazy pit, no health fears!!!  YAY!!!!  So, now we wait (like normal pregnant people do) to go into labor!  And we hope it is soon, because being pregnant stinks!  I am so so happy for her, and so so sad for me 🙂  I have wanted a natural childbirth, completely drug free, for each of my kids.  With Henry we thought it was going to happen and then at the last minute it was the opposite!  With Cole we knew they weren’t going for it…and I let them know that I was not a happy camper!  What a rad thing to even get to think that this little lady just might come on her own!!  YIPPEEEE!!!  So, for now we wait…and we hope she comes on her own before I hit 40 weeks (they won’t let me go that far, too many issues with diabetic babes late in pregnancy)!  Maybe, just maybe, she might come on Friday the 13th!!!!  A very lucky happy day in our book!  Eric and my anniversary is on a Friday the 13th 🙂  I love when dates collide!!

I just hope I can get some sleep in sometime in the next few weeks!!  I was very much so looking forward to having my very own body back to myself (well, as to my self as a newborn allows).