big…

She no longer fits in the frame as a whole baby!  Wow, it is crazy!  Her little face was all squashed against my, well hers I guess, placenta.  I felt sad for her, so squished and yet she still has so long to grow, so long to stay in there, so long to be inside away from our hands all these little hands that want to meet her!  And at the same time I was jealous of her ability to just be, to just wiggle and be!  I cannot imagine.  Her heart is perfect, an hour of looking at it and they can find nothing wrong at all (I could have told them that!), her body is growing perfectly!  Not too big, not too small.  I guess this go they are worried that she might not be big enough!  Odd because with both boys they were worried about being too big!  Another plus…I have yet again talked them into letting me not come in every two weeks!  So, I will go in every three weeks!  We will skip the ultrasound that they wanted to do in two weeks and instead do it in eight!  These a big huge hurdles, and I am thankful.

She is cute, wiggles like her big big brother!  Makes those ultrasound techs really work for it!  Still, with all that wiggling she is doing, I am not feeling her very often. I am thankful for everyday that I can go without being kicked in the ribs 🙂

I don’t even dream about what she looks like.  I don’t even dream about what color her hair might be.  As Cole wonders what color her eyes will be, I am not wondering, I am not thinking about it.  I cannot even begin to imagine who she will be or what she will look like, how she will sleep or if she will want to snuggle all day and nurse like her brothers.  I cannot bring my self to dream of her because her brothers are so different and I know in my heart that my dreams do not stand a chance!  She will be different than I can even imagine, she will be more precious that my heart can even handle and she will be more perfect than my dreams could make her, so I leave it alone.  I will meet her when she is ready, and for now I will savor these days while she is quite and unfazed by this chaos that she will soon be thrown into, this amazing beautiful chaos that we LOVE!

This little one is by far the easiest baby I have carried, she hasn’t made me nearly as sick as her brothers did!  She doesn’t keep me from sleep as much as they did!  But…there is always a but!…she did let my body know far too early that I am pregnant!  She made sure to claim her space early, and who knows how she will fit as these next four months go by!  She also makes me cry!  Oh my gosh, she makes me tear up ALL THE TIME!  I laugh at my self all day as I tear up at nothing and everything!  Hahahaha, girls are crazy I tell ya.

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