kids…

When I turned 16 I found out I have a medical problem, it was the first find of many over the years.  I was kind of devastated.  I was told at 16 that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant.  What that doctor was thinking, I do not know!  But, it was the first in a long list of things that led me to believe that having babies was not something I would get to do.  I accepted my lot in life, and I traveled, and I fell in love with kids and babies who had no one.  Children who were abandoned, sick, alone.  And my heart broke.  But at the same time, I knew that although I might not be able to have my own babies there were babies that ALWAYS need someone to love them.

When I was 27 I found out I was pregnant.  I wasn’t suposed to be pregnant!  I wasn’t able to be pregnant!  But I was!  And since then I have proved that ridiculous doctor so very wrong!  When Eric and I talked about kids before Cole we talked about three!  Then after we had Cole we talked about three.  And then after Henry HE talked about three and I talked about NONE!!  NO more!  WHAT WERE WE THINKING!  Who has two kids twenty months apart!?!  Who could survive?!?  Potty training and breastfeeding?  Sleepless nights and two year old energy?!?  The laundry?!?  I mean come on people! who does this!!!  But then the baby is 9 months old, and the kids start playing together, and your laundry gets done more easily.  And then they are 16 months and you can keep your kitchen clean!  And then as if you never really thought it would happen…they love each other and they read to each other and they share!!!  And then you remember that two is better than one!  And you also remember that all those years (well three of them at least) ago you decided you wanted three because the dynamic of three seems perfect!  And the dynamic of three that are close in age sounds perfect.

And then you are in our boat, wanting another.  Just one more to finish a carful.  Just one more to bring a little more noise to your quiet times and a little more laughter to your day and a little more joy to the dinner table.  Just one more to round out the evenness, to make your little odd family of four just what you dreamed.

Just one more….someday 😉

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