I think I am. It isn’t that decisions have been made or that things are wrong only that my ideal isn’t tangible. Today we had an ultrasound. This ultrasound is to find the weight of the kiddo, to make sure that his heart is ok, that he is measuring ok, and that the amniotic fluid is good. The fear with diabetic pregnancies is that the abdomen is quite larger than the head, making labor difficult. Another issue is that the baby could possibly be too small because I have high blood pressure. So many things to think about.
In a perfect world I would be able to have my baby at home. It would be Eric and I and a midwife and we would be able to welcome H. into the world in our home. It isn’t for everyone but for us it is something that we would love to do. Unfortunately, the safety of our child outweighs our desires. So we do what we can to get as close as we can. We know what our limitations are and what we are and are not willing to do. I know that if I HAVE to be induced again that I will not wait for the Epidural. I know that it is not what we are hoping for, even now, we still are hoping for a delivery that comes when H. is ready, not when it is planned.
Needless to say, the ultrasound is making it look like we will have to put on our boxing gloves again. At 36 weeks H. is measuring 8lb 7oz. That would make him HUGE at birth considering that in these last few weeks kiddos grow 1/2lb a week. A little perspective…Cole was supposed to be over 9lbs! He was measuring really large as well, yet he was 8lb 5oz when he was born:) Another little tidbit is that H. has a very “normal” association between his head and abdomen measurements as well as his length. Meaning that unlike a “diabetic baby” he is proportionate! This is a very good thing.
So now we wait, we fight, we hope, and we remember that in the end all we want is a Healthy Baby! I want to cry, I want to have something that I know I can’t have but I need to remember that in the end that is all that matters. So, I might cry and stress out and dwell a little more than normal on how much our Medical system REALLY SUCKS! but really, I am thankful that I can have babies and that H looks like he is going to be healthy!
that is my rant:)