We had a tough few days here. We also got to spend some quality time with miss micayla, thankfully that makes this week pretty darn awesome! But then the not so good stuff started happening. I called my doctors office yesterday, I wasn’t feeling wonderful and had some concerns, they told me that I could make an appointment for today or wait it out…I called later and made an appointment to come in today. I went into the office this morning and had them check on the baby, they did an exam and drew blood and all that jazz and sent me for an ultrasound. I figured that all of this would happen when I had called the day before, and I wanted to go on Tuesday knowing that it would take along time and we have a lot going on, but alas I waited till today. All in all, I am no longer pregnant. It is an interesting position to be in, one day pregnant and the next not. The ultrasound showed nothing wrong with my uterus or anything like that so the consensus is that the fetus was not viable, meaning that there was something wrong with the baby and my body knew what was best. We are doing quite well under the circumstances. It is hard, don’t get me wrong, tears have been shed! But I am thankful that my body knows what it needs to do, and I am ok with that.
I have learned a lot in the last 9 hours! I have been through something that is unexplainable, there are no answers only theories, and yet through that I am ok. I know without a doubt that I am so blessed! That God has given me the chance to be the mother to a beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy and that is such a gift and I am thankful! I want more babies, lots;), but if the only little one I get to birth is Cole Nicholas, I am so grateful and thankful!!
I am sure that the next few days will be full of different emotions. I am sure that Eric and I will cry more and grieve more and have different thoughts on what we are going through. I know that there is physical discomfort to come over the next few days and if there is not than there is a surgery to come next week. I know all of this but today, this first day, I am thankful. I am thankful for my family and my body and thankful for the knowledge that all things happen for a reason. And I am sad that this year will not bring our family another baby. But we will wait patiently for our next addition:)
Now I am off to bed! We leave early tomorrow for Montana! I am excited to get away and to have the distraction of my family to make me smile! I am looking forward to the beauty of that wonderful state!! Here we come East Glacier:)